Rated 18SX: Sex

Yes, this post is going to be all about sex.

Sex.

SEX.

Sexual intercourse, foreplay, sexual innuendos. Sex.

Imagine the parental units' faces when they see this entry. 

But really, what is so wrong about sex? Now let's reason this out.

There's nothing wrong about sex, it's just that it's not something a decent person will talk about publicly. 

Then again, what is so wrong about talking about sex? Because it's something that should be contained within the walls of privacy. Fair enough. So we shouldn't talk about our sex lives in public. 

But we can still discuss about sex in a general manner, yes? No? Why?

A lot of parents shun from the topic. Heck, some can't even bring themselves to enunciate the word. Some blush, some stammer, some just censored off that word in conversations.

As a child, I remember my dad going "aiyer" when depictions of sexual activity are shown in film and television. His fingers danced over the buttons on the remote control frantically as if the television set will explode if the scene goes on a second longer.

Mother never said anything about it.

My parents never gave me the Sex Talk, and frankly I'm grateful for that. Imagine the awkwardness of the Sex Talk if they're already so fidgety with visual portrayals of sex. In fact, I got the Sex Talk from my Aunt Jennifer, and again I'm so glad that it was her. Aunt Jennifer is what my mom calls 'the modern aunt'. I even remember her words vividly: "You need to have sex to have babies. Sex is when the boy puts his 'bird bird' into your 'pet pet'". 

We could have just used the word 'penis' and 'vagina' but yeah I was 12. 

 

It seems like sex is related to a lot of social illness and immorality. If you refer to the Bible, almost all verses which talk about sex has the words 'immorality' and 'sin' in the same sentence (check 1 Corinthians, Galatians, Romans and all the books written by the Apostle Paul). You don't see eating, like sex a necessity, put together with gluttony all the time. 

We can talk about eating and activities that go on in our bowels. But why is it a taboo to talk about sex? From my Mills & Boons novels, sex sounds damned wonderful. 

Related to sex is this thing called virginity. From what I get on Google, it means "the state of never having had sexual intercourse". Yea, everyone knows that. Being a virgin can never mean a bad thing in any social or religious context, kan?

So here's what I think.

Why in the world do we need a word to describe the "state of never having had sexual intercourse"? Also, why in the world do we need to place such heavy moral emphasis on this word?

I mean, you don't have a word for "state of never having eaten before" or "state of never having slept before". So why is there a word for a person who has never had sex before? Why is it such a big deal?

Right now, I'm going to go all philosophical and feminist about this sex thing. I just finished a research proposal on media and youth sex culture, so yea, bear with me.

We are actors adhering to this dominant discourse or discourses that goes something like patriarchy and religion. These discourses are like lenses that allow us different views about society and ourselves. So our ways of understanding reality and discerning reality are shaped by these discourses. 

And sex, in these discourses, is something that must be controlled. Virginity, is something highly valued. 

Not that it's wrong, you know. I do agree that sex must be controlled otherwise there won't be enough room for human beings on this earth and some people just shouldn't exist. 

I shan't go into providing my own opinion on why sex should be controlled, I'll go all Freudian psychoanalysis on it. But virginity. Hmm. Why is it so important and especially on girls?

Most of the time, the word 'virgin' calls out an image of a female, not a male. All the while since time immemorial (at least, according to the historical events that our current society chose to follow), if a girl is not a virgin and she is unmarried, she is a disgrace.

Yes I do know that boys are expected to be virgins before marriage and that parents won't be happy if their unmarried son has had sexual intercourse. But darlings, we cannot deny that the repercussions faced by an unmarried non-virgin female is heavier than an unmarried non-virgin male.

I don't know about you but my mother goes on and on about "a girl's honour", and simply means that a female shouldn't be promiscuous and she must always be polite and soft spoken. 

And yes there is such a thing as "a man's honour". Correct me if I'm wrong but that has nothing to do with sexual intercourse or physical intimacy, but rather with things like chivalry and respect. 

So why the double standards ah? 

I say, this is part of a worldwide conspiracy to keep us females from having fun. Men get all the good stuff. It's alright for them to drink, fornicate, earn a higher salary, stay out late, etc. And if any of us women ever do what they are 'entitled by God' to do... then we are in the wrong, or we are get more severe punishments.

Anyways, just my 1 Ringgit's worth of opinion.

Also, why is it that we can only 'lose' our virginity? You don't 'lose' your hunger, you don't 'lose' your fatigue so why do we 'lose' our virginity? You do realise that there's no other verb to replace 'lose' when it comes to talking about having had sex for the first time.

*inserts fake epiphany*

Why can't we 'give' our virginity? Simply because it's so damned important, kan? Because once it's done there's no going back, kan?

So? You eat all the time, don't you? Big deal. People have sex all the time, don't they?

I remember being in high school and the juiciest rumours will be about which girl has 'lost' her virginity. My gosh. I was so kepoh. What. Is the. Big deal?

You don't go, "Omg that's his first homework!" or "Omg that's her first eyeliner!" At least, not at that magnitude as "Omg that's his/her first time having sex". 

Sex and virginity are so overrated. 

Just watched this and I cannot help but shed a few tears towards the end of the movie.

The reviews written for this film go something like "finding retribution", "finding release" and "found her way back". 

I say, to hell with it. Excuse the language.

To quote the last few lines of the protagonist:

I’m a promiscuous woman, yes, because I want to use sex as a means to find what everyone is looking for: recognition, pleasure, self-esteem, and, in short, love and affection. What’s pathological about that? If you want to give me a name, go on, I don’t mind. But you must know I’m really a mermaid, a dryad, simply a nymph.

Don't all humans get some form of recognition, pleasure, self-esteem, love and affection in sex? If a man has an insatiable desire for sex he's a stud. If a woman has an insatiable desire for sex she's a nymphomaniac, a pathological condition. 

Quoting the protagonist's grandmother on nymphomania: "Nymphomania. A men's invention to make women feel guilty if they break the rules."

Because as women we must contain our sexual desires. As women, we shouldn't even have sexual desires. 

At least, according to this dominant discourse that most of us can't shake off. Then again, it's not wrong. Just that power resides in some fortunate group of human beings and institutions.