That Non-Halal Day

For this was on Saint Valentine's Day

When every bird cometh there to choose his mate.

---"Parliament of Fowls"
Geoffrey Chaucer

So according to a certain female religious teacher, Muslims aren't supposed to celebrate Valentine's Day.

In fact, they aren't allowed to celebrate it. Because it's non-halal.

Complimentary bread -- plain and wholemeal -- served with olive oil and balsamic vinegar.

Anyway, according to our learned ustazah, there are a few reasons why Valentine's Day is haram for Muslims. The first one is related to the ancient pagan festival celebrated by the ancient Romans, the Lupercalia, which is estimated to be from 13 till 15 February of the Gregorian calendar.

That's when the names of virgins are written on paper and put into a box and, like a lucky draw, picked by men. So the virgin whose name was picked by a man will be the man's sex slave for a year. That's the way the ancient Romans celebrate Lupercalia, right?

Wrong.

Lupercalia is a festival of cleansing the city of evil spirits. It is also a festival that is believed to bring forth health and fertility. Lupercalia is celebrated in honour of the wolf that nursed the founding fathers of Rome, Romulus and Remus. In Latin, wolf is 'lupus'. So yea.

How was it celebrated? Well, according to Shakespeare's 'Julius Caesar', there's an excerpt where Caesar directed Marc Antony, "Forget not, in your speed, Antonius, to touch Calpurnia... the barren touched in this holy chase, shake off their sterile curse." In short, during the Lupercalia, young men will run around the city naked and strike anyone in their way with a cloth. Barren young wives will happily let themselves be struck because it is believed that this will cure their sterility and bless them with children.

Strawberry Splash, good for those who love sweet + sour drinks =)

Reason no. 2 why Valentine's Day is haram: Saint Valentine wrote a last love letter to his jailer's daughter, whom he loved. At the end of the letter, it is signed, "From your Valentine." This famous phrase is printed on all Valentine's Day cards.

Err... so? Is that even a reason? So you can't buy a card signed with a prisoner's name.

Wrong.

You see, Valentine's Day is originally a saint's feast day. And there are numerous saints named Valentine, however, similarly they are all martyrs. There is nothing romantic about the origins of Valentine's Day. The romantic myth of Valentine having a love affair with his jailer's daughter was created during the Early Medieval Era of Europe for the sake of making this feast day more interesting.

In some other versions, Saint Valentine was not in love with his jailer's daughter, but was a preacher and healer. She was blind, he healed her, and then told her about the gospel.

We're like salt and pepper. It's only normal that we come together.

3rd reason why Valentine's Day is haram: Saint Valentine was the priest who married people secretly when the emperor decreed that no man should marry. Because if people get married, they wouldn't wanna go to war. He was captured and executed on 14 February.

Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori, how sweet and fulfilling it is to die for my country. So this Saint Valentine is actually a traitor, he committed treason by marrying poor love birds, thus causing the country to lack men to go to war. Consequently, endangering the country. We can't embrace the death of a traitor, can we?

Wrong.

Again. This is another romantic legend spunned by troubadours of the 14th century. There are no records in the Catholic calendar of saints or anywhere that a priest named Valentine is beatified and canonised because of his risking his life to join people in holy matrimony. In fact, the feast day of Saint Valentine is not even observed by Catholics anymore because nothing, absolutely nothing, is known about him. The only thing we know is that all these Saint Valentines are martyrs.

Then again, isn't it better to marry than to go for war? Are you no lover of peace, ustazah? Also, being married allows you to have a legal heir, which is quite important for ancient Romans because they are so patriarchal. Such that your property won't flow into your uncle, brother or some greedy distant relative's hands. After making sure you have an heir, you can still go to war, right?

Classic carbonara. Fettuccine, well cooked chicken cubes and nicely seered mushrooms bathing in good old creamy carbonara sauce. I found it really good, but the carbonara expert insisted that it's only so-so, and that a little more pepper would make it superb.

Another reason my Muslim friends should not celebrate Valentine's Day is because it is an English tradition to celebrate the mating of birds on this particular day of February.

What? Ew. Watching birds mate? That's pretty disgusting. Animal porn. Pfft.

Wrong.

Well I don't actually know that birds choose to mate during winter, albeit the ending of winter and the beginning of spring, it's still pretty darn cold for bedroom activities. And anyway, where did you get that idea from, madam ustazah? I've never heard of Englishmen celebrating the mating of birds.

The only explanation I can think of how you got this bizzare idea of birds mating on 14 February, and also celebrated by the English, is from Chaucer's 'Parliament of Fowls' (the exact verse quoted at the top). 'Parliament of Fowls' was written by Geoffrey Chaucer, the author of the more famous 'The Canterbury Tales', describing a person walking through a temple and seeing flocks of birds gathering to choose their mate.

Madam ustazah, it's a poem, if you can't observe the obvious. And poets tend to beat about the bush. Like your syairs and sajaks. The beauty of a poem is at being succinct, also of the poet's skilled use of metaphors and other poetic devices to send out a message. I wouldn't take the poem literally if I were you.

Chicken Milanese. 2 grilled pieces of tender chicken breasts resting in a plate of creamy cheese, and topped with fresh juicy tomato cubes and peas of spinach. A masterpiece.

The last reason she gave was that Saint Valentine played a huge part in the fall of the Umayyad Caliphate in Cordova, Spain (remember your Secondary 5 History? Cordova, Andalusia, Bani Uthmaniyah, bla bla bla... hey it rhymes).

Wrong.

Cordova was captured by the Muslims in AD 700+, and then captured by the Castillians in the 15th century. As I mentioned long ago, the Saint Valentines are martyrs, the last Valentine was martyred before AD 700+. So... did he rise up from the dead as a thousand year old zombie and led the Christian army to capture Cordova? Not likely.

You can watch this video for more information. As for now, tata~

P/S: Orientation started and I'm really glad to meet some new friends. That includes an old friend, Amanda, who studied in MCKL in our 1st semester of A Level.

Again, the world is a small place. I met Stephanie, who is Caryn's primary school classmate! Chin Fong, who was formerly from BAC, is a classmate of Chester. Lol. Thankfully, we're all 20 years old (I'm 19. 19). So there's no feeling older, wee~