I'm so sorry I didn't managed to say a proper goodbye. The annual New Year's Eve prayer was going on when you left, you know how it is. Ain't nice to interrupt a prayer, ain't holy.
I guess I could have at least gave a curt nod. At the very least, but I didn't. Or maybe I chose not to.
Mayhaps I should have said bye when you were packing your stuff, but you seemed so absorbed and it would be rude, wouldn't it?
Here I am giving excuses again. Hence, this letter. To put all that I couldn't say to you face to face in solid words.
First of, you weren't exactly kind to me throughout the duration of our acquaintance. You're such a girl: making drama out of nothing at times, being randomly nice to me for no reasons, then you were mean.
At least, you helped me survive Dr. Andrew and the much feared Authorship and Writing. Well, to be fair to you, I did more than just survive that heap of nonsense. Yet again, we could have done better. I mean, me. No, you. Wait, me. If it weren't for the drama you decided to throw on me.
But I'm glad you did. I wouldn't be smiling as I write this if it weren't for that.
It started of wrong in all aspects: morally, ethically, socially, etc. At the same time it was so right. I felt as if I knew Fiq for the longest time ever, even before I knew him. So many "where have you been all my life" moments: his love for history, that fervent zeal for everything political, his fashion addiction and shocking fluency of its jargon.
His voice, his smile, his eyes. His beautiful eyes.
Funny how two people studying in the same faculty, which is not exactly that big, enrolled in the same course but have never met each other for a whole year till his very last semester.
Of course, you decided to be mean when I'm starting to be happy. I've always suspected that this is a punishment for the mean things I did to Edmund, so... I guess I deserved it. You, always about justice. A tad too much I would say because you're gone and I'm still plagued with the nonsense you started in my parents' heads.
But I'm hopeful. And you better make sure you clear your mess. Yes, this is also a not-so gentle reminder letter.
You left me particularly lonely too.
You'd like to explain why you decided to separate CF and Steph from me? Another 6 months till they're back. Till Cindy's back.
Oh but nooooo that's not enough is it, you had to do the same with Amanda, Saera and Nandhini too.
Alright fine. This letter is getting a bit too long and postage will be pricey since it's still the holiday season. Ugh. I'll get to the mushy part now.
I miss you and I missed you.
Despite it all, you're still the best, in my heart of hearts. We had fun in Bangkok with the gang, didn't we?
I'll always remember the nights of gossip, quasi-philosophical chatter, literary sparring, all under the influence of oh-so-cheap Thai beer. And frozen packaged dinner.
If I did stopped by for a goodbye, I think I would have snatched the contents of your luggage. I would never have let you bring those memories away. Never. Not for all the money in the world.
But that's part of the job, isn't it?
I miss you. Take care, would you?
Sincerely,
Me
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