Hush, Don't Cry

Omg... Lydia Teh left me a comment.

I'm flying again.

Right, I'm acting like I'm having sugar rush (like Jer? No, he was like Jack Sparrow after consuming chocolates) or I'm insane...

Here's to Lydia: THANK YOU!! I love your books and I certainly loooooove the prizes you're giving out. ^^

Visit Lydia Teh's blog, leave a comment and stand a chance to win!

Sombre mode: ON.

My friends in school and my classmates (and probably the whole school) know that I'm a natural human waterfall.

Ok... maybe not that... powerful.

Minus the grandeur, substitue the peak of the waterfall with eyes, add in a little salt and there you have.

Me, a natural human waterfall.

I'm very emotional and sensitive. Tears? They come so easily.

I even used tears to get my teddy bear back from Daniel Quah aka daddy(who was innocent and was actually playing with me). It scared him speechless seeing me with tears tumbling down my cheeks.

Of course I got back my teddy bear. And a good lecture from daddy when he found out I was acting.

I make a good actress (don't ask me why I didn't tear when Rob 'died' on stage).

Then again, I'm with the drama team for 3 years.

This years' team (too many Secondary 4s)~

Last years' team (I miss you all so much: Catherine, Sally my mom, Joe my other mom, Bryan my gor, Jason Bon my step dad, Yi Xiong my girly gor, Yu Wai).

Crying is an easy job when I can control myself.

Crying is something vexing when I can't control myself.

I can name a plethora of things I cried about:

-- mom & dad hinting I'm not good enough.
-- Mel being angry at me (might even hate me).
-- Pn. Usha
-- pressure of juggling my co-curricular activities and studies.
-- my not-good-enough results.
-- hate letters and comments.
-- etc. etc.

People don't like to see others cry. One, it hurts. Two, it's annoying. Three, it's not nice.

But it's so hard to swallow the sobs, pull back the tears, hide the blushing of my cheeks.

All I could tell myself to (at least try my best) stop myself from bursting to be the next Angel Falls, is:

Don't cry, no one on this earth deserves your tears. Hush, don't cry.

And guess what.

Yesterday, I bit my lower lip till it bleeds (a little) when a sob crawled up my throat whilst chanting those magic words again and again in my head. It worked.

What was it this time?

I don't know. I felt lost. I felt like the world (my parents, my family, my friends, everyone) turned its back on me and left me. I felt like an outcast.

I felt like me.

Me, as an outcast. Not the me you see in CG meetings and tuition classes, who fit in the crowd quite well; and will only be sultry (according to Mr. Sean) once a blue moon.

Yes, I believe that after it rains there will be rainbows, and no matter how dark it is at night there'll always be the moon and stars to chase away the eerie darkness.

Naive, I know.

As long as I can stop being a baby and stop crying.