More Tears

If I could...

I don't want to step into my class again until all the results are out.

When the teachers start calling names and giving us our papers one by one, the whole class begins to stir and whispers like, "I think she's starting from the highest mark..." go around and my heart screams...

"CALL MY NAME NOW!! CALL MY NAME NOW!!"

As I saw my friends holding their papers, having a hard time hiding the hint of satisfaction at the curve of their lips, how I wish that was me feeling thankful and grateful.

There's an urge to bang my head on the window panes till I bleed to death when Chin Yang complained, "Aiya!! I'm a failure, I could get higher marks..." but he already has an A1.

I slept late, burning the midnight oil, studied till my eyes hurt.

Sat in the canteen in the morning, waiting for Sziq to unlock the classroom.

I thought to myself, why am I here?

Perhaps I should stay home and sleep till the sun burns my skin, call Xia to ask about the results announced today and study.

Then I saw James going up to his classroom.

I could just sit in 4S4 with James, Grace, Xan, Rob, Wen Qi, Mabel, Manda and Arwyn. Anything to spare me from the torturous marks-comparing event happening in my class.

I ended up teaching Grace and the guys literature, by Emily Dickinson, 'There's Been a Death in the Opposite House' by Emily Dickinson, 'The Road Not Taken' by Robert Frost, 'The Necklace' by Guy de Maupassant, 'The Drover's Wife' by Henry Lawson and 'The Sound Machine' by Roald Dahl.

Ironic, yet I enjoyed myself before the execution.

Why can't my classmates be like this? Why the comparing? And why do I feel like hurtling myself off a cliff every time I get a paper back? Why do I allow all these pressure to stab me?

My confidence is gnawed bit by bit every single passing second.

Weird enough, but I remain thankful, talking with Jer and Cat is as soothing as being with the 4S4 gang.

P/S: History --> 60% = B3

Thank you so much, James, Grace, Xan, Wen Qi and Rob. It's amazing how you guys never fail to make me laugh like a psycho.

And thank you, JR. You don't know how much pain you eased.

Love you guys lots. xoxo.