Transient & Queer Sentiment

Rehearsal... again.

I think I spent more time rehearsing than studying. Exactly how many times did I type the word 'rehearsal' in my blog?

Forget it.

I mentioned I was weird. Alvin left a comment asking, "How weird?"

I was singing Rihanna ft. Ne-Yo's 'Hate That I Love You' the whole day, except for the time when I was at the backstage. Backstage, I was singing 'Time to Say Goodbye'.

Sally Ann, Catherine and Joelah engrossed themselves in my Galaxie magazine. There was an article about the movie, 'Sex and the City', entitled 'Sex is Back'. Our brows furrowed and I said, "Sex is always around..."

8 prefects dancing the tango, full-dressed today. I froze when I saw KJ and Chloe. I have a problem resisting guys in suits and ignoring girls in boots. Hey, maybe I am bisexual after all.

I was kidding about being bisexual, alright? Dad, I know you're reading.

Some guys were playing a fool and teasing the prefects when the latter were practising singing 'Time to Say Goodbye'. I felt like knocking those childish guys unconscious. If you don't know how to appreciate operatic songs, or if you're envious because you're not a tenor or a soprano, just shut up and don't tease.

Yesterday night, I lied, saying that I have orchestra practice till 2pm the next day. Actually, I don't have any practices after school on Friday.

I purposely want either mom or dad to fetch me home from school. I deliberately waited like an idiot in the canteen since 12.30pm.

Mom is like a workaholic, and dad seems to be trying to be like her.

I know they're busy. I know I shouldn't make them rush back and forth.

I want to spend time with them. One-to-one time.

I lied so that mom or dad can fetch me from school, have lunch with me in a nearby restaurant and then send me home. Even if they don't have time to stop for lunch, at least I can spend time with them on the way home.

Mom came. We had lunch together. She sent me home. We hardly exchanged words, I think about 8 sentences. But I'm already satisfied.

Involving myself in BGR is illegal if I'm under 18. Mom and dad never said this law exists, but we all know it does. This unspoken law was engraved in my head since birth.

Well, I do agree that teenagers are too young for BGR. For one thing, we don't even know what is love. On the other hand, studies are more important.

For the nonce, I feel so empty and lonely till a sinful thought occured: I want to be in a relationship. I want a boyfriend.

Everytime I felt like talking to someone about how I feel (which I don't like sharing with my family), I don't know who to call when I went through my phonebook. It sucks. Because I will think:

Maybe he/she's busy.
Maybe I'll piss him/her off if I trouble them like that.
Maybe he/she's tired.
Maybe he/she is not in a good mood.

Perhaps I won't end up swallowing my feelings if I have someone who is more than a friend and less family-like. This is so sinful of me.

Erm... actually... half sinful... 'cause even if I want a boyfriend, no one would want me for a girlfriend. So... you can't put all the fault on me, right?

Now... I'm thinking of talking about this controversial topic of me having a boyfriend with dad. How should I start this topic?? I couldn't just say, "Hey dad, what do you think about me having a boyfriend?"

I'm sure he'll give me the 'look' to make me feel guilty, and then proceed to get a license for guns and getting an M-16 on the way. Then he'll sit down in front of me, load the bullets in and point the gun at me, saying, "Sorry, you were saying?"

There should be a better way of doing this... how about, "Hey dad, can we talk?"

Yea right. He'll flinch and sit straight thinking, "Does she want to say she hates me? Or maybe someone sexually harrassed her... perhaps I pissed her off. Oh no, please don't tell me you're pregnant..."

Or I should do it formally, "Father. I, Cherylina, hereby request to have a conversation on the topic, 'Getting Involved in Relationships'. Here is my health condition, checked by Dr. Someone-Pro, and my insurance slip."

Since when did decent conversations become so hard to enunciate?